I remember deciding it suddenly. All at once, without a doubt in my mind. I had determined that human beings in general do way too much apologizing in their life time. The human species in general, tends to feed the need to be compassionate. The undying desire to please people, and respect opinions has led many beings on this earth with the sensation that if you don’t cater to another humans feelings, that you have been raised rude and disrespectful.
Around the age of 22, I remember being suddenly aware, that that just is not the case. I had spent years, in many relationships that had left me bruised inside and out. My desire to please the people around me had left me unable to be myself, and transformed into a mouse with no voice. I had become shaken, with the feeling that no matter what, my opinion was wrong.
No one’s opinion is wrong. Because it is just that, an opinion.
Around that the same time, I was hearing the words “I’m sorry” far too often, with no actions verifying the commitment that those words are supposed to stand for. In order to sincere, an apology is just that. A commitment saying to the individual that you are remorseful for you actions or words, and a promise that you are actively trying to change your behavior. But in my experiences, I had witnessed just the opposite. The phrase had become no more than a commonly used way to play nice. To make sure that the person you are uttering the words to still gives you the time of day, and to buy time until the next time you had to insincerely say that you are sorry.
I made the choice to stop apologizing. I spent the next year, adjusting to the fact that I did not have to defend myself on my personal beliefs. Sometimes, I clung to hard to adjusting my ways. I said things, that I would not apologize for. I would commonly tell people I loved that if I said things, even if out of spite or anger, that I had meant them. After all, if you think it, then you obviously had those feelings at one point. I felt as though some of my words had indeed hurt people, but why should I apologize for what I feel, when no one cared how their actions had affected me?
But then, it started to fade away. I worried about losing people, about seeing people around leave me, because I didn’t bend my mind to their own belief. I started apologizing for viewing things differently. I shut my mouth when others had different opinions on politics, and world issues. I would overlook how much something hurt me, just to apologize for speaking my own beliefs, hoping that the person still looked at me as if i was a pleasant person to be around. I wouldn’t speak up for the people that I care about, when others degraded their way of life, on behalf of possibly losing new friendships.
I just wanted to fit in, in an unknown place.
Now, almost 8 years later, I’m realizing once again that we as people need to stop apologizing. Stop letting others trample over your beliefs, just to appease them. This does not mean that you need to force others to share your views. Please, don’t take the stance of demanding people to feel the way you feel. I have once again discovered that I do not need to defend my views to anyone, fade into the background, or apologize for feeling differently than the person standing next to you.
Do not get walked on, just so people like you.
Stand up for yourself how you see fit, with the understanding that the person next to you is allowed to have their own beliefs. Stop apologizing for liking certain clothes, music, or people. Wear your opinions, and interests proudly. Share your hurt, pain, love or pride without remorse for how you feel. You feel these ways for a reason, because no human being is required to be wired the same, that’s the beauty of the human race.
You only have one life. You are unique, and amazing even if you do not share my personal opinions.
An apology by definition means you express regret for something you have done wrong.
Don’t apologize for being yourself, because being yourself wrong is just someone else’s opinion.